At Hometown Helena, a moderator interviewed five candidates for a new district judge position. The candidates played up their Montana heritage. The first told of his family making Montana home for three generations. The following two upped the ante – four generations and then five generations! We chuckled when the fourth candidate spoke: “My heritage is Native American.” The final candidate waded in by saying: “I was born in Illinois. I wanted to be close to my parents. But, I came to Montana as soon as I could.” He was elected. His humor and having practiced law in Helena for decades, as well as his fine reputation, trumped generational longevity.
Reciprocity and Some Challenges
To be welcomed to the round table is an honor. In a trusting relationship, there is “reciprocity” – from Latin, reciprocus“returning the same way, alternating.” I can raise my family near yours. You can raise your family near mine. I don’t sow dandelion seeds in the dark of night in your fescue, and you don’t steal tools from my garage. When you are out of town, I take care of your dog, and you return the favor when we are gone. We enjoy neighborly “mutuality” – from Latin mutuus “reciprocal, done in exchange.” In places like Montana, mutuality can last generations.
Before we go too far down the road of fond admiration, you reply: “I’m grateful there are such words. They may describe some places. But, you don’t know my neighbors. I never see my neighbor on one side. He has retreated so far that I don’t know him. And my other neighbor plays his music too loud. His dog barks too much. Another neighbor got arrested. Maybe I should love ‘humanity,’ but I’m not sure what to do with my neighbors.”
God’s Calling
GK Chesterton gives us perspective: “In order that life should be a story or romance, it is necessary that a great part of it should be settled for us without our permission …We make our friends; we make our enemies; but God makes our next-door neighbor” (“On Certain Modern Writers and the Institution of the Family”).
God calls us out of fear, apathy, or foolish anger, as well as our false idealism, by calling us to love our actual neighbor. We can dilute the nuanced otherness of our neighbor or their complex wildness by dismissing them or by superficially bringing them into our control – calling them: “my” family – “my” community – “my” country. But then, we may be simply justifying ourselves. God calls us past self-absorption to love our actual neighbor – despite differences in gender, generation, culture, and geography.
To make that call very clear, God gives three specific hospitable commands to Christians:
- “Practice hospitality.” (Romans 12:13)
- “Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it.” (Hebrews 13:2)
- “Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling.” (1 Peter 4:9)
And although leaders in the church can simply be protectors of the status quo, God challenges them by requiring that they be skilled in this bridge-building art. (1 Timothy 3:2, Titus 1:8)
Clues from Word Origins
When we examine the origin of the word “hospitality,” we find that it is much more than “entertaining others at home.”
The Greek word translated as “hospitality” in these verses is “philoxenos” – “philo” – “love like a brother” + “xenos” – “one who is a stranger.” So, to practice loving the bewildering person next door, love the barbarian – the one very different from you – the “xenon.” Showing brotherly love to the “xenon” gives you practice in loving your brother and your neighbor when they seem to be strangers. Discovering your neighbor can be like finding another wonder of the world.
Our English word, “hospitality,” is from Latin – “hospitem” – “guest, host.” What! – “hospitem” is both guest and host? Yes! If we depend upon neat categories, “hospitality” is confusing. There is one kind of reciprocity – where we enter a relationship understanding the give and take – the roles – the congruence of mutual expectations. But, what about another type of reciprocity – in the give and take of an encounter where we may be guest and then host?
Connecting the Dots – with God’s Help
Now, don’t lose me. In mathematics, “reciprocity” is a number related to another number in such a way that when multiplied together, their product is 1. So, for example, the reciprocal of 2 is 1/2; multiplying 2 x 1/2 = 1.
Moving from math to human relationships – who is closest to the inverse of who we are? Our “reciprocal” is a “xenon.”Let’s define loving a “xenon” as God coming into our relationship in such a way that he enables us, as different as we may be, to respect the dignity we each have and still pursue unity. If our notion of hospitality is entertaining and that stretches us, how much more does authentic culture-crossing hospitality enlarge us? We may be intimidated by otherness. But not God. We are VERY different from him, but he welcomes us in Christ. Then, he urges us into such adventures with him and our neighbor.
Human relationships are complex – going well beyond the reciprocity of mathematical opposites. How can these arbitrary numbers, 4/123 x 117/277 = 1? Still, our hospitable Trinitarian God can be the dynamic multiplier who brings real unity despite great disparity.
Apart from Jesus, “we were separated, excluded foreigners, without hope and without God in the world.” (Ephesians 2) But, the energy of Christ in his work on the cross empowers the Spirit to bring us near – to God and each other. What good news – if we like an adventure!
So, let’s not give in to the temptation to make idols of our close neighbors (like family) – or to make idols of those who appear to be very different from us – the stars, the leaders. With God energizing our relationships, we can also avoid the opposite error of dehumanizing barbarians or each other – putting false distances between us. We can draw near.
We are not naïve. There are severe abuses in this broken world; appropriate distance (godly order/law enforcement) may become necessary. Even Jesus walked away from some. Still, lively language holds the possibility not only of law but also of grace – “philoxenos” – “hospitality.” As one who God has welcomed in Christ, Christian ask the Spirit to energize you to keep this language fresh. Go; love your neighbor – whoever they are.
