One afternoon I heard a knock at the door. I found “George,” a leader in our community, tears streaming down his face.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’ve been a fool. I had a one-night stand with another woman. My wife left me.”
I invited him in. He and his wife had begun attending our church – even the 13-week membership class. In God’s uncanny providence, the previous Sunday we reviewed church discipline.
Church discipline? Many of us are ignorant of the process where shared leadership in the church formally attempts to correct notorious sins among church members. In the 1800s, some North Carolina Baptist churches averaged four or five cases of discipline a year for one hundred years. They would marvel at our present lack of discipline. To them, we would be like a church building without a roof.
Often beginning and even ending privately/informally, healthy church discipline may grow to include the whole church. If there are questions about local church action, it helps to have an ecclesiastical court of appeal. In its final, formal, and public stage, church discipline removes an unrepentant person from church membership and participation in communion. Often people remove themselves prior to this step. The goal of discipline is always redemption, protecting other members, and honoring the name of Christ. See 1 Corinthians 5.
Now, back to “George.” As we talked, he told me he was very sorry.
I asked him if he knew the difference between the repentance we manufacture ourselves and true repentance the Holy Spirit works in us. He did not.
So, we looked at 2 Corinthians 7:10 ”Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death. 11 See what this godly sorrow has produced in you: what earnestness, what eagerness to clear yourselves, what indignation, what alarm, what longing, what concern, what readiness to see justice done.”
He was eager to show godly sorrow.
“God, please make ‘George’s’ repentance real.”
I asked “George”: “What action can you put with each of the seven characteristics in 2 Corinthians 7? What would such repentance look like to God?”
For “earnestness,” George suggested: “Could I join the church – under discipline?” I’d never heard of such an approach. He joined. An elder met with him weekly for prayer and counsel.
Getting back to 2 Corinthians 7, I asked: “What about ‘eagerness to clear yourself?” He knew that if he and his wife reconciled, she’d be concerned about STDs. He suggested he see a doctor and get a clean bill of health.
What about “indignation?” We reviewed the Commandment: “Do not commit adultery” detailed by the authors of the Westminster Larger Catechism and supporting Scriptures. In response, he wrote a 14-page paper – being clear about his stupidity in committing adultery and his new willingness to abide by God’s way of living. Later, we sent that document to his wife, “Anna.”
As a child, “Anna’s” father repeatedly committed adultery. In fleeing that home, she married young. Then she discovered that she married a man like her Dad. Eventually, “Anna” and her first husband divorced.
Years later, when “George” proposed marriage to “Anna,” she told him she could not tolerate unfaithfulness. When he chose to indulge his old nature, “Anna” left.
Initially, she told me that she was unwilling to have any contact with “George.” But, what “George” wrote in his paper impressed her. She began conference calls with “George” and me.
“Phyllis,” the “other” woman, a married woman who professed Christian faith, received a letter “George” wrote to express “alarm.” “George” apologized, asked her forgiveness, and let her know that he was seeking reconciliation with “Anna.” He encouraged “Phyllis” to repent and seek her husband’s forgiveness.
I sent the letter by registered mail. I also called “Phyllis” so she would not be surprised when she received the letter.
Later, I updated “George” and “Anna.” During that call, I “stuck my foot in my mouth.” I inadvertently mentioned “Phyllis” by name. I apologized, but the call was over.
However, God was at work – even in my thoughtless error.
“Phyllis” occasionally came to town for business. Somehow, “Anna” discovered “Phyllis’s” schedule.
“Anna” showed up at “Phyllis’s” hotel room, asking “Phyllis” to call “George” so “Anna” could hear the conversation. “Phyllis” agreed.
When “George” answered, “Phyllis” identified herself. “George” immediately responded: “What I had to say to you I said in the letter. Goodbye.”
To Anna, that reply confirmed – possibly more than anything else could – George’s repentance.
Soon, “Anna” and “George” renewed their wedding vows in my office and took vows as members of our church.
What a story!
God, thank you!
But even in a world where transforming grace is present, sinful patterns can have profound effects.
Years and years later, early one Saturday, “Anna” called me. “Could we meet?”
We met. Convinced that beeps on their answering machine meant secret messages from another woman, “Anna” confronted “George.” He declared his innocence – and continued to do so at several more meetings.
Finally, I suggested that we apply Numbers 5. When unresolved feelings of jealousy arose between a husband and wife, God advised them to go to the tabernacle. Taking dirt from the floor of the tabernacle, the priest mixed it with water. Then the wife made a vow before God that she was innocent and drank the concoction. If innocent, nothing happened. If guilty, drastic consequences occurred.
I told them about another couple where the husband, although a brilliant man, abused his wife when he was drunk. As a result, after a careful process, the leaders of our church had removed him from communion.
The wife also suspected him of having an affair. When confronted with possible adultery, he denied it. He made a Numbers 5 vow – if he was guilty of adultery: “May God make it evident if I am guilty.”
Months later, a private investigator uncovered the truth of an ongoing affair.
Still, the husband refused to repent. They divorced.
As “George,” “Anna,” and I discussed this story, “George” offered to take such a vow. Indignant “Anna” interjected: “Do not! You’ll be destroying yourself.”
Nevertheless, “George” declared his innocence in the name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.
We waited – days, weeks, many months. Nothing happened.
Eventually, “Anna” found work as a top-level executive in another city. She abandoned her marriage with “George.” We mourned with him.
“George” later remarried and moved.
More than a decade passed.
Then, somehow “George” learned that I was raising support to be a pastor at large in Helena. He began to support us.
Friend, today, any church discipline is unusual. But according to Calvin, healthy churches practice:
- insightful preaching of God’s Word,
- appropriate observance of God’s sacraments, and
- wise application of God’s truth/grace in church discipline.
Friend, let’s welcome God.
